Thank you for reading my last post, thank you for all your kind thoughts and comments and most of all, thank you for encouraging me and loving me despite this companaion that travels uninvited along with me. Here is an update from last time, if you are keen to follow :)
Although every fibre of my being did not want to go to the doctor, I know myself and know that in avoiding doing so I would stress myself out more and eventually end up there anyway, possibly in a worse state than I was in. I bit the bullet, sucked it up (and finally got out of my pjs) and saw my GP. Poor guy, he has not seen this me yet (my doctor in Maryborough knew me well and was the first one on the trail of insisting I get some mental help) but he was really understanding and concerned. He suggested I up my meds dosage and see a psychologist. I am not too thrilled about increasing my dose, but I guess it is worth a shot and as he said, I can reduce them again in a few months once things have settled. The side effects have been a bit unpleasant, with some nausea and unexpected tears, but I feel good that there is a plan and that gives me some sense of hope and relief.
I also saw a psychologist. She is lovely. A vibrant soul, with a sincere hearty laugh. Although she does not share my faith, she knows how much I value it and is incorporating it into our sessions moving forward. One first bit of homework for her is writing a letter to God. I have started and am on page 3 already - clearly I have a lot to say. It is strange that I have never thought to do this before, because praying versus writing a letter is totally different. I feel a little nervous about writing it though, that I might say something I regret but I know God knows what I feel without me even writing a letter. So far this exercise is revealing a lot about me to me (who knew?!).
On that note, I think I will leave you. Please know that if I am aloof, or distant, it is likely my medication or my current state, which is a little detached from my mind and body. My mind wanders a lot, I feel tired much of the time, I lack focus and my concentration is shocking. I can't always find words to use but know that I have been blessed with a sense of humour and even when things get pretty wobbly, my sense of humour rescues me time and time again. Here is to laughter, even when things are tough, seeing the funny side prevails.
Love you all,
Jax
Fantastic that writing a letter to God has been so fruitful. So true he already knows what we think and feel (better than we do sometimes) and whatever we throw at him, he still loves us.
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